Stilinski Home | Tuesday Morning

[robinonadderall]

Stiles woke up dazed and feeling sick to his stomach early in the morning, while it was still dark. It had taken some time to really believe that he was control of his body again and it wasn't some trick by the nogitsune. Eventually he began to realize that this was real and for now the threat of hurting people was shelved momentarily.

Which was when the guilt started flowing. He had killed people, a lot of people. Blown up the sheriff's station, hurt Coach, got one Derek and Chris Argent arrested and tortured Scott and the person that meant the most to him. He couldn't even call Derek himself to let him know he was back to himself, he had to get his dad to do it. He wanted to give Derek the option to never talk to him again if he wanted it.

After assuring Scott, Lydia and his father that he was okay, he holed himself up in his room. He had already made a decision on how to keep everyone safe from himself, he just needed to set everything up. He knew people weren't going to be happy about it, but it was the best he could come up with.

[NFB due to distance and for one!]

Comments

[robinonadderall]

Yeah, Stiles thought Derek was taking this rather well. It was making him a little suspicious. "What?"

[justlurkinghere]

"Please answer the question." Look at those manners and how he wasn't looking Stiles in the eye.

[robinonadderall]

"Which--the one where if I want you there?" he asked. "I mean, you can be there to drop me off. I'd like to say goodbye."

[justlurkinghere]

"I'm not saying goodbye," Derek muttered, petting his head rest against Stiles' shoulder. "You're not staying there long enough. We're going to figure out how to help you."

AND THEN THEY'D BAKE A CAKE OUT OF RAINBOWS.

[robinonadderall]

"It might not end like that, Derek." They really needed to think realistically here, especially after what the MRI turned up.

[justlurkinghere]

Derek wilted just a little at that. "I'll be there."

[robinonadderall]

Stiles reached for Derek's hand so he could press a kiss against his palm. "You realize why I'm doing this, right?"

[justlurkinghere]

"Which part?"

[robinonadderall]

"All of it," he replied.

[justlurkinghere]

"You can't prepare someone for that."

[robinonadderall]

Stiles sighed. "Well what can I do to help prepare you for it?"

[justlurkinghere]

"Stop acting like you've given up," Derek ground out.

[robinonadderall]

Stiles winced, knowing Derek had a point there. It was just easier to be pessimistic and accept the inevitable than be optimistic in what seemed to be an impossible situation. "You want me to act like there's nothing wrong?"

[justlurkinghere]

"No." Kind of, but only because he was freaking out too. "You can't tell me to just give up on you, okay?"

[robinonadderall]

"I'm sorry but it's kind of hard to act optimistic when my choices are demonic fox or the disease that killed my mom," he said. "Kind of feels like I'm screwed either way."

[justlurkinghere]

"That doesn't mean you just have to give up," Derek insisted. Because he was the poster child for the despair event horizon. He knew. "I don't care what it takes for us to fix this, okay? I'll go to hell if that's what it takes."

[robinonadderall]

Stiles looked over at Derek, feeling a little overwhelmed when it came to his emotions. It really felt good to have somebody care about him the way Derek did, but Stiles still felt like this was going to end terribly. For the both of them.

"Okay," he said finally, shoulders slumping. "Okay, fine, I'm sorry. You're right."

[justlurkinghere]

"Don't--don't apologize," Derek muttered, curling around him like a koala with some epic eyebrows. "Just. Don't give up. Keep fighting. You're so much better than that. Stronger."

[robinonadderall]

"You have a lot of confidence in me," Stiles said. He made himself more comfortable on the bed and tried to pull Derek over with him because he could seriously use some cuddling right now.

[justlurkinghere]

"Just trying to make sure it's not unfounded," Derek mumbled, easily going with Stiles. Because he too could use the cuddles.

He'd process all that fun trauma once he was done being stuck on flight or fight.

[robinonadderall]

Stiles' hands found their way into Derek's hair, petting lightly. It had felt like ages since he'd done that. "I was thinking earlier. If the dementia--if I had to take the bite because of it, I'd end up getting blue eyes now."

He had been thinking a lot about the people he killed. It was only a matter of time before he tortured himself by looking up their obituaries.

[justlurkinghere]

"Dunno if it works that way," Derek said, tilting his head to let Stiles pet him. Jackson already had the bite before killing anyone.

[robinonadderall]

"It should." So people who knew the difference could treat him as badly as he felt.

[justlurkinghere]

"You're not a killer, Stiles," Derek replied, turning to look at him.

[robinonadderall]

Stiles didn't meet Derek's look and he didn't say anything either. Obviously he disagreed.