robinonadderall | Not-So-Creepy Mansion

Right, so, Stiles' Thanksgiving had sucked what with getting his dad fired and Scott almost dying and them not being any closer to solving the whole kanima thing. He needed to relieve some stress and doing it the usual way wasn't cutting it. Which would be why he was at Derek's with a small jar filled with mountain ash. Deaton had been proud to hear of what Stiles accomplished and gave some more of it just in case. He was dying to see if the other night was just a fluke or if he really did gain a new skill.

Unlike the last time he did this, Stiles wasn't all that nervous about the small amount of mountain ash he had. In fact he purposely took less than was needed. He sprinkled some of it for a couple feet before closing his eyes and picturing a completed ring of ash around the mansion. Sure enough when he opened his eyes back up again the circle was complete. Oh yeah, he was totally magic.

He was in no rush to see if it worked, so he let himself in the house and wandered into the kitchen because he hadn't had anything to eat yet today. He ended up finding the motherload of Thanksgiving leftovers and quickly took to making himself a turkey sandwich and...finishing off the pie.

Whoops.

[For the werewolf who has no chest hair! And the stripper with no chest hair, if he wants!]

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"You prefer I suggest a rape whistle?"

"How about a dog whistle?" Stiles suggested. "Do those work on you guys?"

That earned him a glare. And thus, status quo was restored.

"Stick to the ash, idiot."

That was totally a yes on the dog whistle.

"I do so love your pet names," Stiles said, rolling his eyes. "By the way, thanks for the adorable text you sent."

Yeah, Stiles knew there was no way Derek had sent that.

"Text?" DAMN IT, LAURA.

Stiles fished out his phone, found the text in question and held it up towards Derek.

And, yes, Derek was listed as "Miguel" in Stiles' phone.

"...I didn't send that text." Really, they should be lucky Laura didn't include a '<3' at the end.

"Oh really, Derek? I had no clue because, you know, the text sounded so much like something you'd write," Stiles said. "Now I'm heartbroken."

Which earned Stiles a flick to the ear. "Sorry dear."

"Hey, ow!" Ear flicking stung, dammit! "You need to work on your gestures of affection, muffin, I'm fairly sure they're not supposed to hurt."

Muffin? Did he look like a muffin to you?

"Like that hurt."

He looked like a muffin as much as he did a teddy bear. Which is to say not at all.

"It stung," he said. "And I have low tolerance for pain."

"There's a shocker." Oooo, werewolf has sass today.

"Oh shut up," Stiles said, reaching up to flick Derek's ear in retaliation.

"Ow," Derek deadpanned. Because really now. He'd put up with two people messing with him all weekend. This was a welcome relief. "I might end up crying into my pillow from the pain."

"Don't make me put mountain ash around the bar one of these Wednesdays, oh fake boyfriend of mine," Stiles warned. "You'll be stuck in there with the terrible music until I feel like letting you out."

"And trap Eric in there too?" HOW WOULD THAT END?

"If sitcom rules apply, it'll be the perfect way to get rid of your sexual tension!" Now you were just asking to be hit, Stiles.

THAT POOR, POOR BAR. STILES, WHY DO YOU HATE THE BAR?

Derek gave a short, very fake laugh at that, putting an arm around Stiles' shoulders. Feel his disdain for you, Stiles. "Try it and I'll throw you off the roof."

"You will not." He knew how you worked, Derek. "But I imagine you'll come up with some non-lethal way to torture me."

HE MIGHT. SHUT UP.

"You won't die. I'll aim for the bushes."

"You will not!" Stiles said, elbowing Derek in the ribs. That's what you get for putting your arm around him all the time, Derek. "I am not about to become some abused girlfriend from a Lifetime movie."

Stiles...you just admitted you were the girl of the fake relationship.

He totally did. But, really, was anyone expecting Derek to be the girl? Anyone?

Derek made a face, but didn't let go as he turned them to go back to the house. Because that would be admitting defeat. "You're not pretty enough."

"Excuse you! I am totally pretty enough!" Stiles actually sounded pretty insulted, but he didn't move away from Derek because he didn't want to admit defeat either.

Their combined stubbornness meant this was probably going to end badly one day.

It was gay chicken taken to a level that would hopefully not end in a civil union.

"Five. Maybe a six."

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