robinonadderall | A Hotel by UC Irvine

A Hotel by UC Irvine | Monday Evening

It was time for another campus visit trip, this time to a state that didn't completely suck. The tour wasn't actually until tomorrow so that left Stiles with a whole evening to watch TV and take advantage of Derek's credit card by ordering a ton of room service.

What? At least he was sharing.

"Ugh. I got pepperoni on the bedspread."

[For the werewolf sugar daddy]

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Derek inhaled sharply, staring down at the glossy pictures in a panic. "I had a pack," he croaked.

And he got it killed all over again.

Edited 2013-12-30 20:48 (UTC)

"You used to," Stiles said, finding himself unable to look at Derek now. "Erica, Isaac and Boyd. Erica and Boyd are dead; Isaac moved over to Scott's pack once he became an alpha. That's why he wasn't too fond of you at first when you guys met in Fandom."

This was all terrible. But still, Stiles felt like it was better than lying.

"Erica and Boyd weren't your fault though. I think Isaac knows that now."

And Derek just stared down at the overly happy models that were photoshopped onto the school campus. At least one person survived him. Even if they hated him.

"You weren't a bad alpha. You just weren't ready for alpha packs and kanimas," Stiles said, getting up from the bed once he heard a knock at the door that must have been room service. "You did do some good things. Giving Isaac the bite was the best thing you could do for him."

Which was a very nice sentiment from someone with a pack who didn't understand how it felt to lose them all over again. Laura and him had been each other's bandages over severed limbs. Her death had left him raw and bleeding.

And the future him was packless again from desertion and death.

It was probably best that Jack didn't have the ability to form the pack bonds he was used to and Jackson didn't have the inclination. It was better to not put anyone else in danger. To protect what was left of himself.

Derek smoothed out the pages, forcing himself to look indifferent while Stiles was busy.

Stiles took when ended up being a huge bowl of ice cream from the nice hotel employee who hopefully didn't think he was a rent boy before shutting the door again and wandering back towards the beds. After a moment's thought he sat himself down next to Derek since he could see he was going down a guilt spiral.

"They gave us two spoons." Yes, that was why he was sitting next to you. Clearly.

"I'm not hungry."

Unless the ice cream was made out of despair. Was it made out of despair?

"Okay." Stiles didn't move from where he was though. "Sorry."

"UC Irvine looks like your best bet," Derek said, placing the pamphlet between them and pushing himself up off the bed.

"What? We haven't even seen the campus yet," Stiles said. "Or Maryland's campus."

Derek shoved his shoes back on, looking at them rather than Stiles.

"You're close to your dad and it has a good law enforcement program." That he had just spent the last half an hour glowering at. "In state is cheaper anyway."

Look at that research he did before contemplating asking the Sheriff if he wanted financial aide.

"I'm applying for scholarships and I have a 4.0," Stiles said, shoving the bowl in his hands aside and getting up from the bed. "Where are you going?"

"Out." To, you know, have his emotional break down in privacy. Possibly find an old, abandoned distillery.

NBD.

"Well are you coming back?" Stiles was trying not to pull a Scott and get all wibbly and puppy faced when concerned but it was happening against his will.

Which meant Derek had to make himself look away. Because this was for Stiles' own safety.

He fished the keys out of his jacket pocket, dropping them on the bedside stand. Like that meant something. "Sure."

Monosyllabic was a valid lifestyle choice.

This all felt like something out of a really bad dream, and Stiles couldn't actually say for sure at this point whether it was real or not. He was guessing yes for real, since his nightmares were rarely this straightforward.

"Derek, I'm sorry for saying anything, I thought being honest was the right thing to do." Obviously not since Derek was walking out on him. "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you, I swear, just please don't leave me alone."

Damn it with your speaking directly to his crippling mangst!

"You didn't so anything wrong, Stiles," Derek replied, staring down at the floor. "I can't--"

He can't words. Yes.

"You should ask your dad to take you on these. Why are you even asking me? Pity?"

Ow, that one hurt. "Of course not. We're friends; I thought you cared about where I wanted to go. I figured you'd be visiting."

"Caring gets people killed," Derek snapped, not able to keep that once inside. "So you're better off here. Aren't you?"

"No, I'm really not," Stiles said. "You're not going to get me hurt or killed, Derek. You've done nothing but try to protect me."

"You won't let me try," Derek replied, tugging his jacket on roughly. "Now I know why."

Oh, now he was looking broken again. Oh thank god, back to angry once more.

"That's not why, and you know it! I didn't want you to get hurt!" Stiles argued. "I want you to help me, that's why I'm trying to be honest with you. It'll kill me if you get hurt trying to help me, but I'm taking the risk because it wasn't fair of me to try to stop you."

It had taken his dad being kidnapped by the darach to figure that out, but figure it out he did.

Stop being the mature one here! It wasn't fair to Derek's crippled emotional age!

"How the hell would I know anything?" Derek snapped. They were just lucky the room service people weren't around now. "You're the one seeing my future."

His horrible, horrible future.

"You know me though, don't you? And I know that you can hear it when I lie," Stiles said. "I didn't invite you here out of pity and I sure as hell don't think that you protecting me is going to get me killed."

He did still think that protecting him was going to get Derek killed.

"Boyd and Erica wasn't the other Derek's fault and that doesn't even have to be your future. You're not him, Derek."

"It doesn't matter," Derek hissed. "Everyone I care about dies, Stiles. I can't have a pack again. I can't have--"

You know. You.

"I am alone. That's all I'm ever going to be."

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